Firstly, Jazakallah for sending in your request, we will endeavor to give you the most appropriate and helpful advice possible.
I am really sorry to hear that you are struggling in this way, I think you have done very well by taking the initiative to seek help for your mental health issues and would like to commend you on this because sometimes it is hard to feel like we are doing right by ourselves and it takes great strength to seek help when we need it.
Feeling disconnected from God can be a very dark, scary place; it can become very difficult to reach out to Him especially if we feel like nothing is making a difference. The first piece of advice or sentiment I would like to share with you is that you are definitely deserving of life. Secondly, the efforts you are making to become closer to God and strengthen your spiritual relationship with Him are not going unheard or unseen; every Du’a that is made is accepted in one of three ways:
1. God accepts the Du’a and grants it
2. God grants His servant something better for him
3. God does not give what was asked but instead grants rewards for the Du’a
The recommendations I can make to you from my very limited knowledge is to visit a local masjid, or speak to a learned person around you to ask how to best strengthen your relationship with God; continue making an active effort to pray and connect with God to the best of your ability; and ultimately, be kind to yourself. Do not feel disappointed in yourself if you feel yourself slipping, you are doing what you can in your current situation and God sees that. A common metaphor that is used is: imagine you broke your leg, you would not expect yourself to walk on your broken leg, you would not expect yourself to run on your broken leg; no one is going to ridicule you for taking breaks or walking slowly because your leg is broken. We view that broken leg as a valid ailment so we accept the consequences that come as a result, your mental health should be treated in the same way, what you are experiencing is valid and you shouldn’t blame yourself if you can’t achieve as much as others or if it takes you longer to get to where you want to be.
A more specific piece of advice I can give regarding your spirituality is, to pray Qur’an. The Qur’an is a source of guidance and light, it also provides healing for your body and soul; if you are not already praying regularly, try to include this in your life. Whenever you feel particularly low or disconnected, consider picking up the Qur’an, and with God’s infinite strength and mercy, may it guide you and allow you to heal.
Although all of the above is important, it is only part of the solution. The help you are already receiving for your mental health issues is essential as well, and I strongly recommend you continue with it.
Once again, Jazakallah for your request, I hope the advice will be helpful to you. If you find you require further advice, please resubmit the form.
Wa Alaikum Assalam W.W